When anxious and anxiety have a baby named “anx-shitty”

In the late ’90’s comedian Jeff Foxworthy had a series of jokes in his stand-up routine that started “You might be a redneck if…” and he became quite famous for it (https://youtu.be/vwlny1hcUh0). Last week I mentioned to my friend about how anxious I get placing an order at the drive-thru window, and it occurred to me that perhaps this is not an anxiety inducing situation for most people! So during my run yesterday, I compiled a list in my head of situations that make me anxious, that maybe don’t for most people.

I laughed as I thought “You might be an anxious person if…” (and you have to say it in Jeff Foxworthy’s southern twang).

  1. You get anxious placing an order in fast food drive-thru’s. I get so nervous! I pray that the person doesn’t ask for my order right away so that I have time to look at the menu. If they ask right away, I panic and order something I’m familiar with. And if they have changed the order of the menu around–forget about it! I literally develop a stutter.
  2. You get anxious saying the word anxiety. When I was little I had an insatiable love for reading. In part because I was painfully shy, but also because I loved exploring new topics. Often my parents and I would sit and read to ourselves on Sunday afternoons in the living room, sometimes sharing out loud a passage from our books that we really loved or thought inspiring (yes, I know we’re nerds thankyouverymuch). Once, I was reading a passage and said out loud the word “anxiety”…only when I said it I said “anx-shitty”…like anxious and anxiety had a baby and it was “anx-shitty”. Hey, I was 10 years old! My parents laughed hysterically and corrected my mistake. But ever since, I will stop myself before I say the word out loud. Which, because I work in behavioral health, I say the word often. And usually it involves heart palpitations!
  3. You get anxious picking your pups up from daycare. For real. I have two dogs and they have been going to the same doggy daycare for SEVEN years and I still get nervous picking them up! In my mind I think “what if they don’t run to me?” “what if they get a bad report card?” “what if something happened to them?” I always have to consciously stop thinking those thoughts.
  4. You get anxious around salespeople. And it’s usually the salespeople that work on commission (e.g. car sales, mattress sales, etc.) I get sweaty walking into a store and having a sales person follow me around. Probably because I despise being pressured into buying something. It’s an immediate turn-off for me. I hate to admit this…sorry dad…I have paid full-price for items I fully know I should not have, JUST because I had to interact with a salesperson looking to negotiate. I am probably part of the niche that makes the auto industry so much dang money! Oh and let’s not forget about when we internationally and I have to buy items from local merchant booths. JUST TAKE MY MONEY. In my mind I always justify it, like “Ok Moriah, you are supporting local!” The first time I tried to buy something in Puerto Vallarta on the beach, I almost had a meltdown. And I don’t mean my makeup. Legitimately, had to go back to my room and do breathing exercises. And what’s even more crazy is that I am actually a very assertive, decisive person in my structured day-to-day life.
Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash

I can’t be the only one who struggles in “normal” situations. What situations do you struggle with?